Feeling shit

Hi all, haven't had a crappy post like this in a while, and I dont know whats wrong with me but im feeling shit. I dont know how many times I cried over the space of the weekend and half the reasons were pathetic. Im feeling crappy and its not even ttom any time soon! but thats what its like! It worries me that im getting so negative about myself and breaking old habbits when it comes to self esteem, self loathing might be more appropriate. Chappy and the boys didnt get home till 5am saturday morning after the footy in melbourne, they went to the casino afterwards so instead of 1am they were 4 hours later, we were out of range where i was staying so i didnt sleep at all, i was worried sick, then he got home and he was sent to the spare room to sleep, i probably over reacted but i was so angry after being so worried and nothing from them, not a phone call nothing - as in to the house phone.. anyway so that was friday, saturday it was cold and shitty at netball, we lost, but im over it and then saturday night i just couldnt get into it i felt really self concious and fat in what i was wearing - i know im stupid but cant help what im feeling hey. didnt have a big night, but only got another four hours sleep - kids woke us up at 7. so was feeling even more crappy yesterday, had a fight with chappy, i think I was just taking my bad mood out on him which i tried to explain later and then i had a bigger cry and talk to him last night in bed. i seriously felt premenstural. he couldnt have been more supportive but i just feel crappy. i felt like going back to bed and crying today but i knew i had to come to work, im back to struggling just to get out of bed and live a day each morning and i know its probably partially lack of sleep but i just dont know what to do. even though i wasnt too bad yesterday - hung over wise, i ate moer than I have in a day in ages, bacon and eggs for breaky. too many dim sims for lunch and then half a sandwhich then a small block of snack chocolate, some of chappys chips and gravy and then pizza for tea, and it was thick and fat and greasy and i felt like a pig when i was eating it, why then?? whats wrong with me, am I going to end up right back where i started. I told you i was messy at the moment. Im really going to have to force myself to walk tonight id prefer to go home and fall in a heap again but i know that it doesnt help matters. anyway thats my confession, i weighed in at 76 this morning which I know is all yesterday and that ill probably be back to 75 tomorrow but its still not good enough. i hope everyone else is travelling a bit better than I am and ill talk to you soon.