crack addict on chocolate

so im back, and im on crack... well not really but i might as well be... the chocolate addiction I am struggling with is killing me.. not literally again but god i've never been like this. im so proud to announce that i went a whole day with out any today, but i can't say i didn't think about it, 1000 times! and its not as if im just eating whats in the cupboards, because there is none in the cupboards. im making special trips down to the supermarket to get chocolate. and the only thing that stops me is when my son is sleeping and i can't leave him at home alone.. don't worry i get angry because of that... so obviously i have a problem. so hi im Jenna and im a chocoholic. I was due to have a diabetes test about now because of how big ben was when i gave birth, even though i passed the test during the pregnancy, who knows the amount of chocolate i ate then - i could have bloody given it to myself... anyway they say to go when you haven';t been having a big sugar binge.. so the reading is accurate.. how the hell do i do that at the moment.. what better motivator and still im buying peanut m&ms and maltesers by the family packs... so now that i've fessed up im not hiding anymore. im not hiding from myself, my husband, the check out chick who must think im stocking a canteen. im coming out. and im going to change. im the only one that can change too.

today was a start, tomorrow will be even better. no more.

yesterday i got off from posting on here and being motivated in the ww website and what did i do, i made a too big milo, had too many ww choc biscuits, then made some chocolate pastry crap i had in the freezer, then went down and got some peanut m&ms. then becaues i feel guilty and don't want that chocolate taste anymore... how could i not, look how much i just bloody had. i have a half sandwhich or something to 'wash it down' make my palate clean again. or just back to savoury instead of sweet. this is the viscious cycle i would be in every day when i was overweight, so i don't want to keep running that gautlet or I will end up right back where i was then.

so new start. new me. no excuses. no chocolate. planning and tracking.

here's tomorrows plan for starters

b- big bowl of cereal and 1 piece of vegiemite multigrain toast 4
l - chicken avocado cheese and lettuce sandwhich 6
s - apple 1, dried fruit .5, yoghurt 1,
d - spaghetti florentine 8
20.5

exercise - im getting up in the mornings from now on to do my walk first thing. then im done, started the day fresh and best and i have time to do my work and be a mum for the rest of the day, with the days shorter and colder its harder to get out with ben, but still no excuse, and my poor dog needs a walk so thats my goal. i'll do it every week day then i don't get in the habbit of sleeping later some days and not. every day im up at ten to 7 which isn't too bad considering i still half have a new born. that sleeps like a 10 year old mind you!!

anyway i better go, couple of emails to send before i go to bed. bed before 10.30 each night so that i can get up.

working this weekend, and i have a heap of book work to do over the next few days. we might stay home from footy sat, its too cold and going to be wet so we might as well be inside in the heater. have a couple of yummy slow cooker recipes to test out too, lots of vegies, and nice hearty stuff.

have a good night/day and talk in the next few xx

im back, im back, im back

im always starting my posts as im back. i know. i know, but i guess its a good thing that I am back and im not throwing in the towel. for the past month or so i haven't achieved much in the weight loss department. Although i can report that I am a kilo or two down but the kick start that i was after just hasn't happened yet. So this time im here for business time! this means checking in more regularly like I said in my last post, reporting my food and exercise plans, plan plan plan and track track track

I want to be a happy and healthy mum for my gorgeous big boy and a happy wife for my husband. but most importantly I want to be happy for me, because you know the age old saying - happy wife happy life!!! I know how much better I feel when im kicking goals with this thing so I want to start that happening again. Its my period this week and rather than wallow in tummy pains and heavy flows - which i've discovered post baby has been horrid!! Im going to get regular exercise in, plan and track and have healthy snacks to keep my going throughout the day.

I have a bit on at the moment with work/friends and ben wise so the weeks are absolutely flying. If I stick with this I know I can be 5 kilos down before I know it. but i also have to realise its not easy, it is hard work but the hard work is worth every minute I put in. one day and one meal and work out at a time and then they just add up, and the weight comes down. back to basics as well. this is key. sorry for my rambling im just thinking out loud.

No big weekends planned until our footy club ball which isn't until July 18 so I have 6 weeks to redeem myself before our ball, and my reward will be to get myself a new outfit for that. and just to feel fantastic like I know I can again.

My mini goal - is to lose 6 kilos in 6 weeks. this will bring me under the 90 kilo mark and back into the 80s, that is my goal for the footy ball. so im going to make the most of every single day i have in that six weeks to make this goal come true. Then I only have 10 kilos to work on before our holiday at the end of october. (almost 3 months - to lose 10) these are such reasonable and achievable goals that I know I can do it. it excites me just thinking about all of this. I had planned today to go down the street and get some chocolate and come home and veg out on the couch but just after logging in to here and logging on to the ww website, i have changed my outlook for the day.

my plan now is, some fruit and yoghurt this afternoon and then chicken pasta and vegies for tea tonight. when chappy gets home from work at 4.30 im going to go to mums and use the treadmill for half an hour before he goes to footy training. my plan/outline for the rest of the week

teas and work outs

wed - meat and vegies
big walk, weights and situps

thurs - ww meal
big walk, weights and situps

fri - chicken burger/steak sandwhich
big walk, weights and situps

sat - pitta pizza
morning walk, weights and situps

sun - meal from work, meat and veg
family walk

mon - weigh in!! im aiming for 95 something after a terrible long weekend i hope to redeem whatever gain i have caused in the last few days...

I will check in later in the week,

this week im working at restaurant thurs fri and sat night which will keep me out of trouble and i have some book keeping that will keep me busy during the days.

im going to have portion controlled chocolate at the end of the week which I will allow for in my points. while im really struggling with the chocolate monstor i know i can't cut it out completely or I will splurge.

have a great week, be in touch xx

try again

that has to shi(&*t you!!! i just wrote a big post and it came out - blank!
so the short of it... i lost 1.2 kilos this week and im aiming for another great week this week,. no excuses no interruptions, just good solid weight watching and exercise and i know i can do it! thanks for your comment miss j, i know i can do it too! one day at a time, and thats what i plan on. i also plan on enjoying the journey that is weight watchers. i remember getting to goal last time and thinking.. oh its not as fun maintaining as it is that rush you get each week when you have a loss. so why not keep putting those good weeks together and enjoying that rush while i can! forget the big pic, i know that the journey of losing weight is the best feeling in the world and my motto for this week after my good weigh in this morning,

- nothing tastes as good as being thinner feels!!!

going to keep up the 5/6 big block walks this week which i think helped last week and im also going to keep planning and tracking everything that goes in. the house is stocked with good foods so there are no real excuses! and im working again this sat night which always keeps me out of trouble like it did on the weekend.

first mothers group tomorrow which im looking forward to

hopefully this post works!

xx

Great start to the week!

some photos of my little man - ben henry chapman

they've come out in opposite order so this is the most recent.. and it was about a month ago in his cool pjs... the one below is also in his pjs both just before he was getting wrapped for bed. he was about 2 weeks in this second one...

these next two were a couple of days old in hospital, asleep on mummys shoulder

mwah xx

Im sick of saying - im back!! but at least i keep coming back!!

hi there strangers! although im sure i've lost all followers its been so long that i have been on here and posted! i wasn't going to start again after having ben i don't seem to find the time to post anything on anywhere but after getting on the other day and going back through all my old posts and seeing how much it helped me lose weight the first time i thought why not!!!

I am officially starting over. i haven't had a propper crack at this weight loss thing since having ben just over 3 months ago, i kept starting and stopping and i'd fall off, get back on, fall off and get back on again not to last longer than a few days then have a blowout then think i have to start all over again.. the cycle is vicious and last night was a bit of a rock bottom for me, i went down the street and bought a secret block of chocolate.. i say secret because we already had a block here from the night before (i know why would a chocoholic be allowed to buy a block of chocolate in the first place...) anyway i had already eaten too much of the other block so i didn't want chappy to know that i was so disgusting so i asked mum to watch ben - thats right i pretended i needed groceries for tea.. so i could go and get another block.. and i ate three quarters as soon as she left. i got so upset, felt so disgusted in myself and as soon as chappy got home i blurted it all out, he was so shocked that i would be so silly to hide it from him and i asked him for his help. even if he has to be cruel to be kind i want him to say things like darl do you want me to say something.. when i know im doing the wrong things anyway.. or to encourage me and help me to exercise a bit more.... he was great - as you would know if you have read any of my posts, im pretty lucky i've married one of the most amazing men in the world!!!

anyway so i read somewhere the other day - there are 21 main meals in the week... so if you stuff up one there are still 20 that you can do right.. so i thought rather than write the day off, which is a good old habbit of mine.. why not get back on track straight away.. and i did. i had a small plate of beef mingnong and vegies for tea and that was it for the day then. i weighed in this morning so i have an official start weight and im going to have a real go at this properly this time.. no excuses no cop outs, just proper weight watchers methods.. eat well and exercise..

my start weight this mornig is 97.1 which was actually a 100grams less than when i weighed in on friday.. so i was pleasantly surprised. i know it wouldn't have been that if i had blow the rest of the day yesterday either.. i also got my period this morning so im feeling very bloaty and crampy so im keen to make a real go of things. period or not, i get my period one week to every 3 that i don't so i can't just have a week off when ever i do... the same goes for socialising, after reading my blog back the other day i realised that i have lost some great numbers over the last few years when i have had a very social lifestyle, more so than now even - obviously with a new baby - but we still don't have it too bad off in that area... so no excuses is my moto for the week. i know i have to not look at the big picture either.. one meal at a time and i'll tick them off as i go.. i get too caught up in the 20 kilos i want to lose that it gets a bit overwhelming and i fall into the too hard trap... so one kilo at a time... im full of motos today!!!

so my mini goals first and foremost...

we have winery walkabout in 4 weeks and i want to be 93 something by then.. thats 4 kilos in 4 weeks which i KNOW i can do. some come on.. but still one week and day at a time before i think of that. one weigh in at a time and then add them up.. its something to work towards though which i find has always helped me... i also have a diabetes test in a months time so what better time to get my eating and exercise on track. because ben was 11.1pounds they do a standard test to make sure i didn't develop diabetes when i was pregnant. so fingers crossed that i can eradicate any chance of that showing up!!!

some things to think about..

up my water intake
6 x 6kms walks a week. minimum of 5 but try for 6
smaller portions - bowls and plates
pasta night once a week, not every second night
and 3 vegie nights

plan track plan track plan track...

i know with just these small changes - which are actually huge in fact - i can start losing weight and get into that cycle.. as chappy said lsat night remember last time i had these downs before it started going up for me (well down on the scales.. but mentally speaking..)

so i just have to stay positive and not let my mind sabotage me.. i guess the fact that i keep coming back shows im in this for the long hall.. i know it would be so easy to go oh stuff it i had a baby i can have some extra weight.. but there is no way im going back for number two before number ones weight is gone because i know how hard it is to lose this time let alone after two.. and my moto of the day today...

nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels!!!!

im also dedicated to posting to you at least once a week but otherwise every other day i get on here.

better go do some housework before my little man wakes up. he has the sniffles today for the first time and while its so adorable.. it breaks your heart when they are unwell. have a great day.. every days a great day xx

im back - 12 months later!!!

hi there, well its been a long time, i actually forgot all about my blog but i found it today and remembered my password luckily enough! (thank goodness for the old dogs name passwords!!) anyway i thought this was just what i needed to keep me accountable and tracking while i get back on the weight watchers bandwagon! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much has happened in the last 12 months though!! Guess what - I had a beautiful baby boy - five weeks ago now. his name is Ben Henry Chapman - i'd say little but he was hardly that - he was 11lb1oz and so long! he is all in proportion though. i will have to post some pictures when i get a chance. my computer is a bit slow! was bit rough there for a while afterwards as i had to have an emergency ceaser in the end so recovery was slow, lost a lot of blood and only just getting back to normal. started walking slowly last week and have even put a few 40 minute walks together and im enjoying that feeling you get from working out again which is good. ben is great, he sleeps so much (the perks of giving birth to a toddler i guess!!!) so we are blessed. we are both loving family life. i'll fill you in on more as i go, im going to try and keep up to date with my posting now that im home all day and have such a good baby i have some time up my sleave in the mornings and arvo! i hope to keep back in touch with a few of you who used to post and check out and catch up on your blogs as well! I will start off today with my plan (which ive stuck to all day so far (i find im snacking in the arvos because im bored not because im hungry so this will be a good distraction)

b - cereal and toast 5
l - toasted focaccia 6
s - fruit and yoghurt 2
d - vegie risotto 6
low point day after bit of an overeating weekend...

exercise - 40 minute walk and weights!

I better start catching up on your posts! could be a while. hope to hear from some of you soon and if not this will do me a world of good to keep up to date as a diary anyway!

houseboat pics

wanted to add some pics from our houseboat trip a couple of weeks back so here goes,. they are only little ones but you get the jist - had the funnest weekend!!

2 months later

my gosh, sorry its been so long and that this has to be so quick, still blocked access at work but it was down for a second so i thought id jump on and let you know i am still here just in bits and pieces. its been a crap week to keep you updated though. friends mum passed away on friday. i only seen her the day before, and she gave me a big hug and kiss before i left which was more than normal and i so had something in my head tell me, hold on to this because it could be the last time. and it was. so they are going through such a hard time, im having my moments and outbursts at home and being strong for the ones that matter, and trying to keep things as normal and safe for them all. its such a hard time, but theres so no right or wrong ive learnt that. anyway im currently 77.2 at last weigh in so ive dropped over 2 kilos in the last two weeks that ive been 'back on the wagon' i got to 79 something and went - wooooaw back a bit. and i started to feel sluggish, miserable and moody so i thought right ive got to do something about this. we are also trying for something else at the moment, well for the last few months, i cant even remember if i wrote that on here yet, hush hush though. so i want to be at my best for when we find that out too, get a head start. if i haven't told you guys that yet then thats pretty exciting news! anyway I hope your all well, kicking goals and doing all the right things, love and light to you all!! work is busy, its good though, i love my job so its not too hard. oh i forgot - a month ago i collapsed at work and they think had some kind of epilepsy episode, (fam history) since i have been poked proded, hospitalised afterwards, ECGs EEGS and im heading down to melbourne on the 18th for more of a diagnosis, so i guess thats just something small i forgot to mention!! im fine and normal now, just have had similar things in the past that ive never had checked out so this time we are getting it sorted! Footy and netball have started trainings too, no rest for the wicked and chappys cricket grandfinal is this weekend. anyway thats a quick run down, anymore news and ill letyou know, enjoy your hump day and make the most of every day we have - every one you love and everything you do! lifes short, but its pretty bloody special too! talk soon xx

hi strangers

hi guys, just a quick one to confirm that yes I am still alive after the silly season. and what a silly season it was, although looking at this today i only actually crept up another kilo over the break, after the gain from the post honeymoon and chrissy celebrations. but im back in the game and sherrie is back in town as well and we are setting ourselves a 12 week challenge to get back on track. and im looking forward to it too. just finished a walk run and some weights and had a shower and about to head to bed. feeling really tired lately so trying to catch up on some sleep. i hope your all doing well./ we have no work access to this anymore so im trying my hardest now that im back on track to get accountable and keep in touch over this so don't think im neglecting this or any of your gorgeous selves. i hope you all had wonderful christmas's and new years and that 2008 has lots more fun days and nights ahead for you. take care. talk soon xx

p.s im 6 kilos up from the wedding, but im also very very happy. and know that like any other time that i have, i can kick those kilos as well. watch this space xx