Im sick of saying - im back!! but at least i keep coming back!!

hi there strangers! although im sure i've lost all followers its been so long that i have been on here and posted! i wasn't going to start again after having ben i don't seem to find the time to post anything on anywhere but after getting on the other day and going back through all my old posts and seeing how much it helped me lose weight the first time i thought why not!!!

I am officially starting over. i haven't had a propper crack at this weight loss thing since having ben just over 3 months ago, i kept starting and stopping and i'd fall off, get back on, fall off and get back on again not to last longer than a few days then have a blowout then think i have to start all over again.. the cycle is vicious and last night was a bit of a rock bottom for me, i went down the street and bought a secret block of chocolate.. i say secret because we already had a block here from the night before (i know why would a chocoholic be allowed to buy a block of chocolate in the first place...) anyway i had already eaten too much of the other block so i didn't want chappy to know that i was so disgusting so i asked mum to watch ben - thats right i pretended i needed groceries for tea.. so i could go and get another block.. and i ate three quarters as soon as she left. i got so upset, felt so disgusted in myself and as soon as chappy got home i blurted it all out, he was so shocked that i would be so silly to hide it from him and i asked him for his help. even if he has to be cruel to be kind i want him to say things like darl do you want me to say something.. when i know im doing the wrong things anyway.. or to encourage me and help me to exercise a bit more.... he was great - as you would know if you have read any of my posts, im pretty lucky i've married one of the most amazing men in the world!!!

anyway so i read somewhere the other day - there are 21 main meals in the week... so if you stuff up one there are still 20 that you can do right.. so i thought rather than write the day off, which is a good old habbit of mine.. why not get back on track straight away.. and i did. i had a small plate of beef mingnong and vegies for tea and that was it for the day then. i weighed in this morning so i have an official start weight and im going to have a real go at this properly this time.. no excuses no cop outs, just proper weight watchers methods.. eat well and exercise..

my start weight this mornig is 97.1 which was actually a 100grams less than when i weighed in on friday.. so i was pleasantly surprised. i know it wouldn't have been that if i had blow the rest of the day yesterday either.. i also got my period this morning so im feeling very bloaty and crampy so im keen to make a real go of things. period or not, i get my period one week to every 3 that i don't so i can't just have a week off when ever i do... the same goes for socialising, after reading my blog back the other day i realised that i have lost some great numbers over the last few years when i have had a very social lifestyle, more so than now even - obviously with a new baby - but we still don't have it too bad off in that area... so no excuses is my moto for the week. i know i have to not look at the big picture either.. one meal at a time and i'll tick them off as i go.. i get too caught up in the 20 kilos i want to lose that it gets a bit overwhelming and i fall into the too hard trap... so one kilo at a time... im full of motos today!!!

so my mini goals first and foremost...

we have winery walkabout in 4 weeks and i want to be 93 something by then.. thats 4 kilos in 4 weeks which i KNOW i can do. some come on.. but still one week and day at a time before i think of that. one weigh in at a time and then add them up.. its something to work towards though which i find has always helped me... i also have a diabetes test in a months time so what better time to get my eating and exercise on track. because ben was 11.1pounds they do a standard test to make sure i didn't develop diabetes when i was pregnant. so fingers crossed that i can eradicate any chance of that showing up!!!

some things to think about..

up my water intake
6 x 6kms walks a week. minimum of 5 but try for 6
smaller portions - bowls and plates
pasta night once a week, not every second night
and 3 vegie nights

plan track plan track plan track...

i know with just these small changes - which are actually huge in fact - i can start losing weight and get into that cycle.. as chappy said lsat night remember last time i had these downs before it started going up for me (well down on the scales.. but mentally speaking..)

so i just have to stay positive and not let my mind sabotage me.. i guess the fact that i keep coming back shows im in this for the long hall.. i know it would be so easy to go oh stuff it i had a baby i can have some extra weight.. but there is no way im going back for number two before number ones weight is gone because i know how hard it is to lose this time let alone after two.. and my moto of the day today...

nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels!!!!

im also dedicated to posting to you at least once a week but otherwise every other day i get on here.

better go do some housework before my little man wakes up. he has the sniffles today for the first time and while its so adorable.. it breaks your heart when they are unwell. have a great day.. every days a great day xx